It’s Kraken Holiday Gift Time 

Kraken forward Eeli Tolvanen grew up in Finland with some takes on the holiday season that were a little closer to home than a lot of us experience.

Tolvanen, you see, is from Finland. He’s seen a real live reindeer in action. Not pulling aerial sleds, mind you, just grazing around the frozen tundra known as Lapland. That’s in the very north of Finland, bordering Sweden, Norway, Russia, and the Baltic Sea. Or, as Tolvanen tells it, “It’s the real North Pole.”

Well, it is where reindeer hang out, I’ll give him that. They even serve reindeer entrées and appetizers in restaurants up there, but that’s a whole other story.

Tolvanen celebrates Christmas on Dec. 24, saying that’s the real date for the holiday. “Look it up on Google,” he said.

OK, I did. Turns out, they do start celebrating “Joulu” on the 24th in Finland. But Tolvanen also claims Santa Claus is from Finland. Well, I don’t know about that one. Sure, the town of Rovaniemi in Lapland markets itself as Santa’s official hometown, which sounds a lot like Naples, Florida, claiming to be the “Pickleball Capital” when we all know it was invented right here on Bainbridge Island.

Also, they don’t call the big guy in red “Santa” in Finland. They call him “Joulupukki” – which, at first glance, appears the kind of name a hockey player might make up on the spot, though it turns out the pronunciation doesn’t rhyme with “puck.” Nevertheless, not all the Nordic countries agree with the Finns’ claims of Santa Claus parentage, which is probably why any upcoming Sweden-Finland game at the Winter Olympics in February will be so hotly contested.

As for Tolvanen, he said he’s never actually met the real Santa. Surprise, surprise. But I have, in fact, met him. In a mall in my Laval, Quebec hometown, back when I was a kid. And I can tell you without hesitation that he had a definitive French-Canadian accent.

So, in picking out holiday gifts for various Kraken players, my pick for Tolvanen – and Kaapo Kakko and Jani Nyman, for that matter – would be a chance to meet Santa in-person and clear up any misunderstandings.

Here are some other potential Kraken gifts, for your planning purposes:

Tye Kartye: A cape and a mask with pointy ears – The team’s Dads & Mentors trip can be very educational. For instance, courtesy of the weekly Kraken Home Ice show on King-5 TV last Saturday, we learned from Kartye’s father, Todd, that the only thing the winger wanted to do as much as play hockey as a young boy was to be Batman. Not surprising, given how Kartye is often the first to swoop in out of nowhere to start mixing it up with any opponent taking on-ice liberties with a teammate. He’s also a bit Bruce Wayne-like in his non-showboating ways.

So yes, the Kingston, Ontario forward has always had some Batman in him.

Which is why his recent choice of Halloween costume was a bit disappointing. Kartye went as Adam Sandler’s character from the Billy Madison movie. Perhaps he was just trying to fit in with his teammates’ themed event party. Or, like Wayne, trying to keep his superhero alter-ego a secret. A better bet is that he needs an updated Batman costume as he’s outgrown what he had as a kid. So, a cape, a mask with pointy ears, and a tactical suit with some grappling hooks would go well under Kartye’s tree next week.

Jordan Eberle: A Nickelback ukulele – Kraken captain Eberle’s affinity for Nickelback is the stuff of legend. And who can blame him? He spent much of his teen years and adulthood living in Calgary, Alberta, which is only about 180 miles southwest of the town of Hanna – known primarily as the birthplace of Hockey Hall of Famer Lanny MacDonald and also, more recently, the hometown of Eberle’s favorite band.

And wouldn’t you know? Among the many, many songs Eberle can play on his guitar, he never plays Nickelback originals. Well, maybe it’s his instrument.

We know Eberle has a bunch of guitars, including his favorite Martin Guitar that he used to help get him through a three-month at-home recovery from pelvic surgery last season. But among his more cherished instruments is a ukulele autographed by Eddie Vedder, the lead singer of Pearl Jam -- another of his preferred bands.

Eberle’s young daughter, Collins, also has a ukulele given to her as a Christmas gift and likes to play alongside her dad during family together time. Sensing a theme? We know the Eberles like their ukuleles. And we even know ukuleles are viewed as acceptable Christmas gifts in the Eberle household. So, why not see whether Nickelback lead singer Chad Kroeger can autograph a ukulele for Eberle so he can start playing some of the band’s songs? Yeah, I know, Nickelback doesn’t use the ukulele. That makes it an even rarer gift. Let’s do it.

Vince Dunn: A wheel of Parmesan cheese – We’ve all been there. You whip up some spicy vodka rigatoni for a roomful of friends or jump online with defensive partner Adam Larsson to show him your simple, but fancily plated spaghetti bolognese when suddenly, disaster strikes. You’ve run out of parm! I mean, you had tons of the stuff just last week when the neighbors came over to try your baked eggplant. And then, there was the time you wanted to show your family the latest dish you learned how to make from the chef at that fancy Toronto eatery. They must have finished off the grated cheese!

As any fan of Italian food knows, you can never have enough parm. Which is why a nice, full wheel of Reggiano cheese should keep “foodie” and aspiring chef Dunn grating throughout the rest of this season and beyond. They sell the good stuff online at Williams Sonoma, and it costs nearly as much as a second-hand Rolex, so no worries about this looking like a cheap gift. Also, it is the thought that counts. Other than a case of 1999 Sassicaia to pair with his food, there probably isn’t a gift he’d find more thoughtful.

Matty Beniers: A guest role on a revived “Loudermilk” TV series – No one really knows whether the now Netflix-owned comedy-drama series starring Ron Livingston will ever have a fourth season. Though since Netflix picked up the first three seasons of a TV show Beniers really enjoys, its popularity has soared like never before. There has since been widespread talk but no action on producing fourth and fifth seasons with Livingston back and ample guest stars to fuel its cult status. So, why not make Beniers one of those guests in a star-studded fourth season revival? After all, his mother, Christine, is a former Broadway actress. When she taught at children’s drama workshops back in their Hingham, Mass. hometown – including performances of The Sound of Music and Jersey Boys -- Beniers would fill in as an acting replacement when casts were shorthanded. His mom felt the Kraken centerman had a good voice.

And hey, Livingston’s character on the show, Sam Loudermilk, is a grumpy former music critic living in Seattle! I mean, the script practically writes itself. A Kraken-fueled ratings bonanza. So hopefully Netflix and the show’s creator, Peter Farrelly, can figure some things out by next week and stick an invite under Benier’s tree.

Ryan Lindgren: A goalie mask and some pads – Look, who’s kidding who? Lindgren’s brother Charlie has been an NHL goalie for a decade, now with the Washington Capitals. His other older brother, Andrew, was a goalie for St. John’s University, and his father, Bob, was a netminder for the Michigan Wolverines. So, we’re supposed to believe Ryan Lindgren’s true calling is as a Kraken defenseman? Especially when he devotes so much of his time – when not muscling guys away from his team’s crease – to getting his body in front of any incoming pucks fired by opposing players? Including sometimes using his face to stop said pucks?

Folks, that’s a goalie just waiting to break free from his shackles. Apparently, Lindgren tried the whole goalie thing once in youth hockey, and his family of netminding experts promptly decided it wasn’t for him. Sounds a bit harsh. After all, he’s 27 now. People change. So, a nice goalie mask and some custom pads would make a great gift for Lindgren, even if it’s just to brighten his day, knocking around in the basement, stopping frozen tennis balls between Kraken games.

Chandler Stephenson: A crate of Oreos – OK, unlike Dunn’s gift, this one will seem cheap. But hey, it practically picked itself out. Back when he was 2, Stephenson apparently used to walk around his Saskatchewan neighborhood knocking on doors and asking to be invited inside for a cookie. One time, he even knocked on the door of future Kraken coach Lane Lambert, asking for one. And was promptly benched for the entire third period. No, no, that’s not true. Lambert graciously invited him in and gave Stephenson the cookie – and probably a glass of milk, too -- before walking the toddler back home to his folks.

Anyhow, no Kraken player should be begging for cookies, especially one who’s now got another mouth to feed as young teammate Berkly Catton just started living with Stephenson and his wife and son. So, a crate of Oreos should keep the veteran centerman from having to go knocking on doors this holiday season. Plus, he can even leave some out for Santa – or, Joulupukki, if that works for him – in hopes of being gifted even more cookies. Teach a man to fish…

This gift, incidentally, works for Lambert as well, as his cookie stock is said to be running a little low.