Can we talk about METAL!

This text originally appeared in the January edition of Canadiens Magazine in La Presse+.
Hey La Presse+ subscriber, sorry to interrupt your reading. Or scrolling. Or whatever. This'll only take a sec.

You know, METAL!, the famed Canadiens mascot from back in the day

?
METAL!, Youppi!'s hard-rockin', Habs-lovin',

twin brother?
METAL!, the absolute legend who partied so hard with the boys during the '93 Cup parade that he passed out in an ice box? And whose 29-year sub-zero deep sleep turned him from orange to blue?
Yeah, that METAL!, who's now halfway through his eight-night Bell Centre residency during Reverse Retro games. (The gig just made sense with his current follicular hue).
Anyways, there's currently some not-so-rad chitchat relating to my dude by association, and as his official roadie/manager/interpreter I'm here to set the record straight - especially since my man doesn't even talk.
Seems like some people are saying the Habs' blue jerseys have some bad juju, or are cursed in some way? Cursed!?! Come on, my dudes.
My newly-cerulian dude takes great offense to this theory even being entertained!
Do you really think the biggest (literally) Habs fan in the world would wear something to put his favorite team at a disadvantage?? The same guy who used to blast

outside the visiting team's hotel in the 80s to prevent the bad guys from getting a good night's sleep?
And blue or not, need I remind you that during his original run with Les Glorieux, my dude witnessed three Stanley Cup Championships? Three! It's all in the history books, look it up.

So, let's leave the cursing to the part of METAL!'s record collection with the explicit lyrics stickers, yeah? (But just in case something is up, I've contacted David Lee Roth's shaman and will be performing a saging with him on the jerseys in the coming days. Just don't tell anyone.)
So now that we've cleared that up, why don't we move onto more important business: you giving my dude a follow on
Instagram
,

,

, and
Facebook
! My agent fees won't pay themselves.
Or come crank it up to 11 at one of the remaining METAL! shows before his Bell Centre World Tour ends! Steel Panther and Amon Amarth have already partied with my dude, and from what I can remember, it was righteous.
Here, I built this website for you to buy tickets:
https://canadiensmetal.com/
(am I the best roadie or what?)
ROCK ON! 🤘