Listen and talk: Texas Stars head coach Neil Graham keeps dialogue open

Neil Graham's mindset came in handy this week.
The head coach of the Texas Stars was running the Dallas entry at the NHL Prospect Tournament in Traverse City, Michigan, and his troops lost their first three games while allowing 17 goals in the process.

But instead of panicking, Graham's squad on Monday came out and played its best game of the tournament and took a
7-3 win over the St. Louis Blues
. It capped an important week and sent the prospects into NHL training camp in a good frame of mind.
That's not unusual for Graham, who is starting his 10th season in the Stars organization and has worked his way up from player to assistant coach to head coach. The 36-year-old is one of the youngest head coaches in the sport and yet is a veteran, and his calm mindset helped during a frantic week.
"The core values for me are I want the game played fast, I want it played north, and I want a solid compete and work ethic at all times," Graham said when asked about his overall philosophy. "Those are considered buzzwords, but they aren't that to me. I really do want that to be what we do. We establish that through our practices and our preparations, and it's important to me that those words are transferred to the ice for games. Whatever the score, I think we should have a certain level of compete and a certain level of commitment, and I think if you look at that last year, we were in pretty much every game. We stay in the fight, and we never give up."
Graham's Texas Stars finished 17-18-3 during a shortened season. They were 27-28-3-4 the year before when he replaced Derek Laxdal mid-season. The past two years show just how much turmoil Graham has had to swim through. He was promoted from head coach of the ECHL affiliate in Idaho to become assistant coach in Texas. Then, Laxdal was promoted in December to become an NHL assistant coach, so Graham took over as Texas' head coach. COVID shut things down in March and the season wasn't finished. The AHL then came back with a partial season in 2020-21, and Graham had to deal with the fact the NHL had a six-man "taxi squad." While every team was dealing with the same challenges, it was just one more thing for the young coach to juggle.
He said that maintaining his overall core value philosophy was helpful, as it should be every season. When you coach in the AHL, your roster can change with every call-up, so staying calm is key.
"It's a challenge, but that's just the nature of our level," Graham said of losing your best player at any given time. "What if this guy stays in Dallas? What if this guy doesn't? That changes your personnel in a pretty big way when we either get a player or lose a player to the NHL, so you just have to be ready for anything, and know that you can adjust. You really do hope for the best for every one of your players, and you try to make that happen for them. If it does, you're very happy for them."
Graham had similar issues with development camp and the Prospects Tournament over the past two weeks. He's bringing together players who range in age from 18-23. Some are simply dipping their toes in the water before heading back to junior hockey, some are transitioning from Europe with their eyes set on a big year in the AHL, and some really are hoping for a chance to make the step up to the NHL. It's widespread, and he and his assistants have to coach them all.
"It's hard, and yet it's great too," he said. "You try to help every player and understand where he's at, and it's fun just bringing them all together for a tournament like this. You just want to see each player show progress and move forward."
The Stars did some of that. Yes, they allowed a lot of goals, but they also scored a lot. Players like Ty Dellandrea, Riley Damiani, Riley Tufte and Jacob Peterson were able to grasp deeper roles, while youngsters like Wyatt Johnston and Mavrik Bourque gained experience that they can use to further develop in junior hockey. Johnston had four goals and an assist to lead the Stars, Damiani had a goal and four assists and Tufte had three goals and an assist. What's more, the entire team responded to some tough results and had a solid game on Monday.
That falls in line with what Graham has been able to do throughout his career. He transitioned from player to assistant coach with Idaho at age 27. He became head coach of the Steelheads at age 30. He's in his third season as head coach in the AHL.
He said the experience has given him a unique perspective.
"I became a head coach when I was 30, so it's a little funny," he said. "I was being asked about being a young head coach then, and this is six years later, so I feel like I've learned a lot already. I was very fortunate in that I got into coaching at a young age, and I've been around some very good people who have helped me along the way. I feel like age is only a number. I really feel like I've got some great experience."
He said he even takes it with a grain of salt when he's told he can relate well to players because he's so young.
"I think you can relate to players no matter what your age is," he said with a chuckle. "I really do believe if you communicate and listen, then everything else works out. You just all have to be on the same page."
To be on the same page, Graham stresses strong communication, both with technology and old-fashioned face-to-face conversations.
"I do think technology is crucial. It's how players communicate and it's a great tool, especially when players are away," he said of the challenges presented by the pandemic. "But I also pride myself in the fact that we don't lose the human element. We want to connect, and I think that's how you build deeper relationships. I almost think you have to fight harder now to make sure you maintain that human contact and make sure that's important in the day to day."
It's one of the reasons Scott White had no problem naming him the head coach in the AHL. White, who serves as assistant general manager for the Dallas Stars and runs the Texas Stars as their GM, said Graham gets it.
"He's just very real," White said. "He works hard, and I think he sets a great example for everyone."
In fact, Graham might understand the challenges of coaching younger players better than anyone. Yes, he too wants to dream of someday being in the NHL, but he said he needs to take the process one step at a time.
"I think it's good to dream, and I think it's good to have goals, but I think it's really important to stay present," he said when asked about taking the next step. "That was my same mindsight when I was in Idaho. If you start looking too far ahead, you're not concentrating on what you should be doing. I just think if you take care of the day to day, if you treat people right, if you do your job well, things will work out for you."
That philosophy served him well this week, and he's hoping it will serve him well this season in the AHL, when he should get the chance to be the head coach in a normal season.
"I'm excited," he said. "I do think being a head coach is different, but I enjoy it. There is some delegation, but I also think the communication is big. You need to have a plan, you have an idea of how you're going to execute that plan, and then know how to present that plan to your group.
"I always want to bring out the best in someone, whether that's a player or a coach, so I do put a lot of focus on helping everyone and then letting them do their job," he added. "There is thought that goes into everything we do. I like to collaborate, and when you do that, you can come up with some pretty good ideas."
Notes:Dallas took a 7-3 win over St. Louis to finish 1-3-0 at the prospects tournament. Johnston had two goals and five shots on goal, Riley Damiani had a goal and two assists, Ryan Shea had a goal and an assist, and Antonio Stranges had two assists. Remi Poirier started in net and stopped 27 of 30 shots.
Graham photo credit: Texas Stars
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This story was not subject to the approval of the National Hockey League or Dallas Stars Hockey Club.
Mike Heikais a Senior Staff Writer for DallasStars.com and has covered the Stars since 1994. Follow him on Twitter @MikeHeika, and listen to his podcast.