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Sabres Insider Best of Seven

by Staff Writer / Buffalo Sabres

March 3, 2006

The Sabres Insider's Best of Seven is purely for fun. Each week, will post a new seven item list for your reading pleasure.

This Week:

Best of Seven other "adjustments" to the shootout:

7- Goalie no longer allowed to build a little wall of snow.
6- As in billiards, shooter must now call his shot.
5- Arena PA must play Europe song "Final Countdown" throughout the contest.
4- If the shootout goes past five rounds, teams will play red-rover to determine winner.
3- Fans encouraged to shout "Noonan!"
2- Players on bench must act like contestants on the Family Feud.
1- All three shooters go at once.


Best of Seven Rejected Winter Olympic Events:

7- Long Ski Jumps Off Short Piers
6- 10K Spelling Bee
5- Dizzy Bats on Ice
4- Opening up new C.D.'s
3- Naked Luge
2- Red Rover
1- The Great Goalie Race

Best of Seven things hockey fans would like to know:

7- What's underneath the ice?
6- What ever happened to Tom Draper?
5- Who gets to sit inside of the Jumbotron?
4- If the puck goes off a guy's face, does he get an assist?
3- Why don't they call them "waffles" anymore?
2- What's a Minnesota Wild?
1- Is it "Defense" or "Defence"?

Best of Seven things a puck would say if it could talk:

7- "I wonder what it's like to be behind Ryan Miller?"
6- "Hey baby. You know, I used to glow when I was on Fox."
5- "Koharski has such nice, soft hands"
4- "Thank goodness Al MacInnis retired."
3- "Hey Ref! I was just kicked into the net by Regehr!"
2- "How come, when I hit the post, it doesn't register as a shot on net?"
1- Yes, I was aiming for Kasparitis' groin!

Best of Seven ways to make intermission more exciting:

7- Give the Zambonis super bass, hydraulics, and killer ground effects.
6- An arena full of people playing Laser Tron.
5- Place a Dixie cup at center ice and have fans try to hurl change into it.
4- Instead of "Kiss-Cam", have "2nd -base cam".
3- Load up the T-shirt gun with corn dogs.
2- Two fans are chosen at random to fight to the death at center ice.
1- A fan must reenact George Costanza's "Frogger" scene from "Seinfeld" with the Zambonis.

Best of Seven Lindy Ruff Pet Peeves:

7- When Sabretooth sheds in the lockeroom.
6- With all of the Wednesday night games, he's completely behind on "Lost".
5- If his press conferences go long, he misses out on a window seat.
4- The McDonald's prize wheel never lands on the Sabres' bench.
3- It's hard to coach when everyone is shouting.
2- People who talk in movie theatres.
1- He has to stand the entire game!

Best of Seven Hockey headlines buried in the back pages:

7- Power outage in Carolina. Canes beat Panthers 4-3 in total darkness.
6- NHL Hall of Fame to auction off the teeth of former great players.
5- Bill Barilko is missing again.
4- NHL Expansion talks resume. Peru and China chosen as finalists.
3- World puck shortage. Teams to use tins of Skoal.
2- Tampa Bay to change nickname to the "Lightnings".
1- Brett Hull admits it was no goal. Cup goes to Buffalo.

Best of Seven surprises at the halfway point of the season:

7- Less fights, but more groin pulls?
6- No one has mentioned the letters "C", "B", or "A".
5- The Predators' policy of leaving a piece of sponge candy on everyone's seat for home games.
4- Sidney Crosby hasn't yet burst into flames from all of the camera lights.
3- The stunning turn of events when Apollo died in the ring.
2- Not a single tie in any game yet this year!
1- Ryan Miller left off the Team USA roster. What's with that?

Best of Seven punch lines to dirty hockey jokes:

7- "...that's right, they've pulled the Goalie."
6- "...he IS a Mighty Duck."
5- "...two minutes for boarding!"
4- "...that's what happens when you move hockey to Nashville."
3- "...Claude Lemieux"
2- "...I thought you said 'puck'."
1- "...It's a looney, a tooney, and Ron MacLean's home phone number.

Best of Seven 'rejected' hockey team nicknames:

7- Saskatoon Groin Pullers
6- Hartford Horn of Plenty
5- The Sacramento Stench
4- Long Island Also-Rans
3- The 'Most-of-my-teeth-are-real' Mauraders
2- The New England Gnewts
1- The Jeffersons.

Best of Seven Fun Sabre Roadtrip Activities:

7- Use Marty's equipment to build a fort in your hotel room.
6- Prank call Toronto's A.C.C., ask for "Lou Zerr."
5- Use up all of your "Future considerations" on Steak Roastito's.
4- Browse through the new CBA.
3- Strap on some Rollerblades and latch onto a Bus.
2- Change the pronunciation of your last name.
1- Find a slump-buster.

NHL rule changes for 2006-07:

7- Hit a post, do a shot.
6- No more goalie masks.
5- To make Overtime more exciting, "Sudden Death" will now be taken literally.
4- One player from each team gets a pool cue and a garbage can lid.
3- Alexander Daigle's name will now rhyme with "Bagel".
2- All pucks must have creamy filling.
1- Goodbye Shootout, Hello Limbo!
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