You see Zack Kassian’s hit on Matt Kennedy, you see Zack Kassian’s Buffalo Sabres mug shot with his toothless grin and turbulent, reckless hair, you see Zack Kassian fight Matt Martin and you think you’ve seen Zack Kassian.
You haven’t seen a thing.
The only reason goon should be in your mind is if you’ve seen Seann William Scott’s new movie.
Let me introduce you to Zack Kassian, the newest and most misunderstood member of the Vancouver Canucks.
He goes by Kass as a nickname. Not Kassassin, Zack Attack or Kassianova. Just Kass.
He never goes by Adam, his middle name.
He wanted to be a firefighter if he didn’t make it as a professional hockey player.
He had a golden labrador named Max growing up.
He doesn’t know who let the dogs out.
He gave the puck from his first NHL goal to his mom; it’s in the process of being put in a display with the jersey from the game.
He called his buddies first after being drafted by the Buffalo Sabres. His family was there to witness it.
He wears No. 9 because that’s the number he was given in junior. He went from 9 to 19, then to 54 and now he’s come full circle back to 9.
He cherishes the memories he has from winning the Memorial Cup as a member of the Windsor Spitfires more than he’d like to admit.
He doesn’t actually spit fire.
He lost his front tooth in junior, had it fixed and then ran into a teammate in Rochester and had it knocked out again.
He watches Keeping Up With The Kardashians from time to time, but it’s not a guilty pleasure. He likes it.
He’s the youngest of four children; he’s got two older sisters and an older brother.
He loves his mom. She works at a jewelry store and at a cleaning business.
He thinks of his dad, who passed away when Zack was eight-years-old, often.
He can’t think of one specific thing he wishes he hadn’t done when he was young. He did a lot of crazy things when he was young.
He would be Superman if he could be a superhero. He can fly, he saves people and he’s strong. He’s unbelievable.
He has no clue who framed Roger Rabbit.
He met his idol Todd Bertuzzi this year when the Sabres played the Red Wings. Bertuzzi got in his face on the ice. He was in awe.
He would like to be on Man Tracker. He isn’t sure how he’d fare with just a compass.
He can cook chicken.
He hasn’t the slightest clue where Waldo is.
He signed his first autograph as a Canuck Thursday night.
He doesn’t like a mess. He hates when people are messy.
He took figure skating when he was young and was part of a Mickey Mouse skate off. He was Mickey.
He would like to forget about that.
He is not on Twitter.
He wouldn’t think twice if he had to change his name. He’d go with Jax, after the lead character in the TV show Sons of Anarchy.
He went to Cabo San Lucas on vacation last year. He said it’s the most exotic place he’s ever traveled.
He doesn’t know where in the world Carmen Sandiego is.
He used to be in love with Jessica Simpson, she was his first celebrity crush. He doesn’t have just one celebrity crush these days.
He has a hidden talent. He’s great at checkers.
He chose track star Usain Bolt as an athlete he would trade places with. He fast.
He will crush your hand in a handshake.
He’s 21 and knows whaassuuppp.
See, Zack Kassian is just like you and I.
The upcoming chapters of this book will be based on courage, integrity, honour, humility and passion, which sounds very promising for the Vancouver Canucks.