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There's no gizmo gun to measure causticity. No method of calculating toxicity quotient.
No way to time or quantify the innate ability to annoy, to distract, to put off.
The Calgary Flames SuperSkills competition lit up the Scotiabank Saddledome early Saturday afternoon, featuring the standard fare of shooting and skating.
Fastest, hardest, most accurate.
All of them were on hand, of course.
Johnny. Mony. TJ. Captain Gio.
On these sort of days, though, one priceless in-game NHL talent is ignored:
Driving people bonkers.

It's a skill. As vital and potentially table-tipping as any other over the course of 60 minutes.
That accidentally-on-purpose stray bump. The extra face wash in a scrum. The pointed barb. The apparently-innocuous extra shove to provoke a reaction, and invoke a penalty.
Part of Matthew Tkachuk's game is to just plain rub some folks the wrong way; make himself as irritating as being scraped raw by a six-foot-two-inch hunk of pink asbestos fibre insulation. To live and work in those blue-collar underbelly areas that most are only too willing to shun.
That is by no means the extent of his skills. Far, far from it. At 18 years old, the No. 6 overall pick's upside is universally hailed as exponential.
In hockey, The Edge has always meant much more than a lead guitarist for U2. It's a place where special players make their living; has been and remains a tipping point between sassy-smart and sassy-silly.
On Friday, the 18-year-old, as 18-year-olds are want to do, blurred the lines.
Tkachuk threw a pick to draw a minor penalty at 10:03 of the third period with the scoreline level. Worse, at 16:43, game still tied, he was slapped with a roughing deuce for launching himself, Cape Canaveral style, into Minnesota Wild D-man Marco Scandella.
Fortunately for Tkachuk and Flames neither penalty ended up costing them dearly.
"Obviously, you don't want to take those penalties, especially late in the game,'' acknowledged Tkachuk. "But I also drew three yesterday.
"There was one (interference) that was kind of an iffy call. And one that was stupid, I wish I could have back. That wasn't fun on that one, sitting in the penalty box. It was awkward.
"I don't really initiate stuff like that."
"We love everything about Matthew,'' said Brad Treliving on Saturday, "but there is a line. The thing you have to recognize is when you're putting the team in jeopardy.
"You learn in this league real quick.
"Look, you never want to mute or to stunt emotion. Matthew's good when he's got emotion - one of the things that's so great about him is how my he cares, how much he tries - but you have to draw the line.
"There was a chance those (penalties) could've bitten us last night. It's nice when you can learn those lessons with a happy ending.
"But life's not always like that.
"You put your hand in the fire often enough, you're going to get a blister."
Late Friday, in the wake of the 3-2 shootout victory over the Wild, coach Glen Gulutzan said he needed another look or two at the video to properly make a comment on the late Tkachuk penalties.
"You'd rather tame a mustang than beat a mule,'' reasoned Gulutzan 12 or so hours later, between an 11:30 AM practice and the beginning of SuperSkills. "We've got a mustang on our hands. That's fine.
"That's how you win.
"But …
"He's going to have to (learn). It's not an easy thing. He's a young guy that plays on the edge. He went over the line (Friday) night. He needs to get back into it. It's not unlike him earlier in the season. We had the same things going on … I think it was in San Jose or the L.A. trip.
"He'll find his zone.
"We always talk about Matthew as being in the fabric of the game.
"When you've got guys running around chasing you … you watch the game closely, you get whacks in the back of the legs after he's drawn one penalty, and he's right in the thick of the game.
"It's not easy to play that way. Your emotions, everything, are running high and he's a young guy. He's looking for people and people are looking for him.
"Sometimes you cross the line. He's got to learn to manage that."
And therein lies a part of the educational curve at the showcase level: walking that tightrope wire across open space without a net, between Just Enough and A Bit Too Much.
"Well, you'd much rather have the horse you need to pull back then the one you have to taser to get moving,'' reasoned Treliving, echoing his coach's earlier line.
"You don't worry about Matthew. He's you've got to recognize guys will take notice of that. You've got to pick your spots but you can't hurt the team.
"But believe me, it's a special quality. You've seen it here, with Theo (Fleury).
"Wendel Clark was an edgy, productive guy. Kenny Linseman. Messier. All those guys - who had great careers, of course - played the game hard, played the game for keeps.
"And, I repeat, that's what's so great about Matthew. He's all in all the time.
"When he's out there, he's keeping score."