Hirsch writes book on mental health, encourages others to come forward

Hirsch's story is one he first told more than five years ago.

On Feb. 16, 2017, Hirsch revealed to the world his struggles with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and depression and how in 1994 he got into his car and came very close to driving it off a cliff in Kamloops, British Columbia, in an article for The Players' Tribune.

Hirsch played 108 regular-season games (92 starts) for the New York Rangers, Vancouver Canucks, Washington Capitals and Dallas Stars. He hid his mental health struggles while playing in the minors, in Europe and for Canada on the international stage. He did not disclose what was going on when he was a goaltending coach for Hockey Canada, the Toronto Maple Leafs and St. Louis Blues after retiring in 2006.

Now his story is out there and Tuesday, one day after World Mental Health Day, it will be told in further detail in his book, "The Save of My Life: My Journey Out of the Dark."

Telling it is freeing for Hirsch, now 50. It has also opened the door for others to speak up.

"I've seen a lot more athletes and people come forward and be able to tell their story in print and not be afraid to share it," Hirsch said. "I'm not saying that it was my story that did that. There are great people before me that came forward with their stories, right?

"… But I think my article … timing in life is everything and I think it hit at a time where people were ready to listen, and people are ready to stop being afraid of mental health and stop struggling. Timing wise, I would like to think that article had an impact in allowing people to feel safe in coming forward, especially professional athletes."

Several players have.

Vegas Golden Knights goalie Robin Lehner did in a 2018 article for The Athletic by revealing he was diagnosed bipolar 1 with manic phases and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and trauma; Ottawa Senators forward Tyler Motte, then playing for the Canucks, disclosed in January of 2020 he was diagnosed with anxiety and depression; Montreal Canadiens forward Jonathan Drouin took a leave of absence for anxiety during the run to the 2021 Stanley Cup Final and goalie Carey Price voluntarily entered the NHL/NHLPA player assistance program that October.

Before them was Malarchuk, who had his jugular cut by a skate blade while playing for the Buffalo Sabres on March 22, 1989, and nearly died on the ice. He opened about his own battle with depression, OCD, PTSD and alcoholism and revealed a suicide attempt in his 2014 book, "The Crazy Game: How I Survived in the Crease and Beyond."

"It's getting better. It's still not there, though," Hirsch said when asked if he thinks the stigma around mental health has changed in hockey. "… But what we need to do is we need to educate people. So I know players are reluctant to come forward to their teams and that's OK, that's their prerogative, right? I mean, not everybody needs to know your business, but we need to teach people where to go and how to get help if they want to go outside of the NHL."

Hirsch wrote the book, co-authored by Sean Patrick Conboy, to educate people about mental health through his journey from growing up in Calgary and dreaming of being an NHL goalie, to the moment his type of OCD, Pure-O, where compulsions appear in thoughts not actions, first materialized when he stood in a bar in Washington, D.C., during the Rangers' 1994 Stanley Cup run, through the next 13 years of trying to find the proper help and now in the present.

"I am forever thankful that even in my darkest days, I didn't give up," he writes. "Life can bring us to our knees in a second. I know this. I've been there, but astonishingly, it can also bring us back from the brink."

Hirsch announced in June he was stepping away from his role as a color commentator for Canucks radio on Sportsnet 650. He wanted to focus on making more of an impact on people's lives, maybe help at least one person through his book, his role as a wellness ambassador with the Independent Contractors and Businesses Association in Canada and as co-host of The Players' Tribune's podcast "Blindsided" with psychiatrist Dr. Diane McIntosh. The two talk with athletes to discuss a variety of mental health experiences in a therapy-like session format.

"It's a vehicle," Hirsch said. "We have a massive platform to be able to show stories from a humanity aspect. And my goal is always to say, 'Hey, this guy went and got help and I can too and is supposed to be the toughest of the tough.' [Maybe] they can relate.

"Mental health is lonely. It's extremely isolating and lonely and when you hear someone else open up it makes you feel that relief, [which] is just incredible, when you feel you're not alone."

Hirsch knows firsthand about the isolation and loneliness. He also knows that there is "light, however faint, in all that darkness." It may be a road that is forever long and winding, not only for the person in the fight but the fight to end the stigma in hockey and the idea they are damaged goods if someone has a mental health issue.

It is a road Hirsch is traveling, even if it means standing in front of a room full of people.

"Every time I get up and I tell my story, it's healing for me, it's like a therapy session so it actually helps," he said. "And then at the end, there's a lot of people that usually want to come up and talk to me and talk to me about their story. That's just as important, right? They just want to be heard. I can't fix or cure them or anything, but I can listen and sometimes that's all people want."

Photo courtesy: The Players' Tribune