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Bill Burr - Beards Don't Work Down South

by Bill Burr /
Blog 7 - Wednesday, May 13

After Game 4, I broke the story that the Bruins (being down three games to one) was all part of Boston's brilliant game plan to not sweep Carolina in order to avoid getting bored with a week's worth of days off.

And here we are, looking at a Game 7, just a couple of days later.


I hate when sports fans say that.  Anytime you're out in public and there is a flat screen flashing the evening's scores, somebody always yells something like... "Columbus 2-1 ..... DUDE, I CALLED IT!!!!!"

And then that guy has to turn to his buddy in order to get some sort of affirmation.

"What'd I say?  WHAT'D I SAY?!?  You remember what I said?  I called it, right?  DUDE, I CALLED IT!!!!!"

I always found that ridiculous. If this guy could truly see into the future, why wouldn't he use that power to win the lottery instead of wasting his life in a sports bar sitting next to me?

But having said all that, I did call it. I CALLED IT!

Game 7 tomorrow night up in Boston. Once again, the Whalers will lose. 

Why you ask? I'll tell you why. Because North Cack-a-lacky is in serious trouble. You can tell a team is on shaky ground when in back-to-back games they abandon their game plan and resort to questionable play / cheap shots toward the end of the third period.

It's the old frustration factor. All of a sudden, guys who usually concentrate on putting the puck in the net start taking roughing penalties. 

The Bruins were guilty of this in games two, three and four.  But now.....

So let's just go with this: Now the sling shot is in the other pocket.  

Hartford is floating right now.  They don't know if they want to be the '09 Whalers or the '75 Flyers.  When did they get so filthy?  They weren't like this a few games ago?

You know what I think it is?  It's the beards.  Some people can't handle growing beard, you know? They get a little scruffy and all of a sudden they start thinking they're a tough guy. They start acting all fresh like someone told them to go home and go get their shine box.

It's a bad move. Why would you try to intimidate the Boston Bruins? I could see if they were playing a soft team like Montreal, then it would make sense to get physical.  But you don't try that with the Bruins. That's crazy talk.

I mean as much as people wanted Scott Walker to be suspended when he stole on Aaron Ward, I think Chad LaRose's knee-to-knee hit on Marc Savard was way worse.

I've been waiting my whole life to see the Bruins win a Cup. If we don't win this year because we run into a better team, so be it.  But if we lose because someone on another team deliberately hurts one of our best players, it's just going to lead to an ugly confrontation between out of shape sports fans in some unsuspecting Hooters.

Tables will get tipped over, Buffalo wings will hit the floor and somebody will slip on a jalapeno... You know what I mean? Everyone loses.

The knee-to-knee hit should be punishable with a fine and suspension as harsh as if someone head hunts with a stick.

I've always hated when I see someone on the ice taking a cheap shot and then the announcer says that hacky, "I'll tell ya, you hate that guy, but if he was on your team you'd love him!"

Why would I love someone like that? 

"I'll tell ya, that guy can barely skate but boy oh boy can he blow out a knee."

I know Chad LaRose has no history of being a dirty player, but he still stuck his knee out.  I'm looking at his stats right now.  In one year he played 80 games and only had 10 penalty minutes.

So why would he do something like that?  I'm telling's the beard.  Some guys can't handle it.  And I know you think that I'm nuts, but it's true.

So in the future, when they do a psychological study of Playoff hockey and they end up connecting unexplainable dirty play with the amount of scruff on someone's face, just remember who called it. 


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Author: Bill Burr | Special to

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