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Plenty Of Gifts For Everyone

by Mike Ulmer / Toronto Maple Leafs
There are plenty of gifts in the big red bag, and not just for the Maple Leafs.

A clear head for the Bruins gifted young forward Patrice Bergeron. Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People for Sean Avery. Dion Phaneuf gets five minutes with Avery in a locked room. Elisha Cuthbert can wipe the floor with what’s left of Avery.

The bag has good weather for anyone at Wrigley Field, a fire extinguisher for anyone tangling with the smokin’ hot Boston Bruins and a certificate to commemorate the Montreal Canadiens’ 100 years in business.

Mats Sundin gets a Canucks jersey…with instructions. It won’t be easy to wear the first couple of times.

For former Leaf Kyle Wellwood we have a couple of those stretchy exercise bands since apparently he has learned how to use them.

For Carolina Hurricanes coach Paul Maurice: top hat and tails even thought it would be impossible to make him any classier.

As for the Leafs…

Nik Antropov and Alexei Ponikarovsky: Identified primarily by their birthplaces, Kazakhstan and the Ukraine, both players are Canadian citizens. Therefore, they need all the stuff they missed, maple syrup, fudge formed into the shape of maple leafs, postcards from Niagara Falls, reconstituted poutine, lobster, and for Antropov, an old grain elevator where he can keep his sticks.

Jason Blake: Santa has already been and brought a reconstituted game.

Nikolai Kulemin: A time machine so he can see the 20-goal, two-way player he is destined to be.

Mike Van Ryn: A harder head and better luck.

Jaime Sifers: A better number. Sifers, a classic stay-at-home defenceman isn’t about numbers of course. But 59 is the number you give the grandson of your head scout after you drafted the kid in the last round.

Luke Schenn:
A tux for the rookie of the year category at the NHL awards night.

Mikhail Grabovski: Same as Luke Schenn.

Ian White: A boomerang and a DVD of his game against Pittsburgh.

Lee Stempniak: Cream cheese and a bounce around the net. Stempniak has only one goal in the 12 contests he has played for the Leafs. The cream cheese will help make all those bagels more digestible.

Curtis Joseph: His 450th win.

Justin Pogge: His second NHL win.

Niklas Hagman: The Energizer Bunny. Time that drum-banger met his match.

Matt Stajan: Immediate male pattern baldness…for Nik Antropov.
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