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TRH Gameday 22: Dallas Stars - Falling Stars

by The Royal Half / Los Angeles Kings
Disclaimer - The contents of this page have not been reviewed or endorsed by the Los Angeles Kings Hockey Club. All opinions expressed by The Royal Half are solely (and most likely) his own and do not reflect the opinions of the Los Angeles Kings or their Hockey Operations staff, parent company, partners, or sponsors. His current whereabouts are not known to the Kings and he has no access to information beyond the access and privileges that go along with being a half-season ticket holder.

Game #22

26 pts

4th in Western Conference
24 pts
8th in Western Conference
7:30pm, Staples Center
Los Angeles, CA
Defending Big D
Stars of Big D


That's right, we are now tracking Lee Stempniak's total points to Jeff Carter's total goals.
After the incredible success of Ian Laperriere Legends Night last week... and the anticipation of Kelly Hrudey Legends Night coming up this Saturday, the Los Angeles Kings Marketing Department has really done a great job when it comes to honoring older NHL players that have made a significant impact upon the game of hockey. Well, that tradition continues Thursday night at Staples Center as the Los Angeles Kings present Dallas Stars Senior Night presented by Centrum Multivitamins!!!
Let's take a closer look at what Seniors the Los Angeles Kings will be honoring on Thursday night:
Erik Cole is a recent addition to Dallas Stars Senior Night as he came to the team last week in a trade for 32 year-old Michael Ryder. The 34 year-old Erik Cole signed a 4 year, 18 million dollar contract in 2011... meaning that he will be a 4.5 million dollar cap hit for the Dallas Stars until he is 36 years old. Erik Cole already has 4 goals in 21 games this season... so maybe he will get 35 goals like he did last season... but over the next two years. In fact, the Dallas Stars are lucky to even have Erik Cole in their lineup as he has been pondering retirement... upset with the way the Players Union conceded to those slimy Owners. The same slimy Owners that would give a 32 year old with only one 30 goal season in his career a 4.5 million dollar a year contract and a no-trade clause. Not ready to retire just yet, Erik Cole has been working out regularly in order to keep up with today's game... with the same physical training techniques he's used since he was a child.
Ray Whitney is 40 years old. And he was signed by the Dallas Stars this past off-season to a 2 year/9 million dollar deal as part of a Texas statewide initiative to hire active seniors. I know that it's easy to make fun of Ray Whitney being old... well, ok... let's do it. Ray Whitney is so old... everyone that was drafted before him is retired.
Well, technically speaking... Alexei Kovalev is now retired.
FYI, when Ray Whitney was drafted... there were 22 picks in each round.
Ray Whitney is so old... he played in the International Hockey League.
San Diego Gulls Forever.
Ray Whitney is so old... his favorite Canadian band is The Tragically Broken Hip. Oh wait... I meant Ray Whitney is so old... he broke his foot and won't be playing tonight against the LA Kings. Well, at least that will give Ray some time to focus on his biggest passion outside of ice hockey...
Building skyscrapers!
At 41 years old, Jaromir Jagr is the 2nd oldest player in the NHL behind Teemu Selanne. Jagr was a surprise signing for the Dallas Stars over the summer but when you think about it... at 41 years old, Jagr had one priority when signing with what could be his final NHL team... winning a Stanley Cup finding out what team needed to reach the salary cap floor and thus would give him the most money possible. Throw in the fact that Texas has no state income tax and Jaromir Jagr has enormous gambling debts... it really was the perfect match! And for someone that is tied in scoring with Cody Franson and 2 points behind Lee Stempniak... the Dallas Stars sure are getting their 4.55 million dollars worth! Plus... Jagr is continuing an important NHL tradition!
All dogs go to Heaven...
and all aging NHL stars retire in Dallas.
Everyone knows that Jaromir Jagr has an incredible work-ethic that keeps him an elite player. But in an ever-changing NHL where players are studying game footage in-between shifts... Jagr is going to have to use the latest in technology to keep him at the top of the NHL.
"Quiet, Morrow... I'm studying the Kings!"
But most importantly, off the ice... Jaromir Jagr and Ray Whitney have become quite close in Dallas... spending nearly all of their free time together. 
"Excellent biscuit send, my good chap."
And Ray Whitney and Jaromir Jagr have also provided inspiration for the Dallas Stars uniform change next season:
It just makes sense.
So, Los Angeles Kings fans... lets make sure you salute these Senior NHL Heroes tonight at Staples Center... but not too loud! You don't want to frighten them.

From Dustin Penner after the LA Kings 6-4 victory over the St. Louis Blues...
As if Twitter doesn't already love Dustin Penner...
he has to go and quote The Simpsons in victory.



The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier and Jonathan Quick. If you like the hockey equivalent of dirty jokes or enjoy humorous screen-grabs of NHL players and broadcasters with funny captions... man, you are going to like The Royal Half. You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter at @TheRoyalHalf

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