"Jimmy Fallon has often used the NHL, or more directly the league's players, as fodder for his popular Tonight Show Superlatives bit. In it, the host lists what each player would have been voted as in their high school yearbooks based on their current day NHL head shots.
The results have been pretty hilarious in the past, and Wednesday night's segment was no different.
Take a look."
Timothy Burke, Deadspin
"Jonas Blixt is in last place at The Players, and now the Swede gets to complete his likely final nine holes of the tournament without a driver after throwing it into the water following a lousy drive at the 18th of TPC Sawgrass. That’s not going to improve your score, Jonas!"
Samar Kalaf, Deadspin
"Not even a dancing astronaut could throw Canadiens goalie Carey Price off his game last night in Tampa. Montreal’s offense helped decrease the pressure as they built a 5-0 lead by the middle of the second period.
Even though the Lightning lost 6-2, the astronaut in the seats definitely did get Price to smile and hide his laughter in a towel. A small victory."
Alex Chancey, The Daily Beast
"That tremor you felt Wednesday night wasn’t an earthquake. Retired basketball icon and rapper-extraordinaire Shaquille O’Neal merely fell over on the set of TNT’s ‘Halftime Report’ during Wednesday night’s Houston Rockets-L.A. Clippers game.
Shaq caught his size 22 foot on a monitor cable and spilled onto the floor, losing his shoe in the process. Despite his claims that co-host Ernie Johnson set him up, video evidence points to this being only the second self-'Shaq Attack' ever caught on camera.
O’Neal took to Twitter after the show and offered $500 cash to the creator of the best meme."
Dan Gartland, Sports Illustrated
"Rob Gronkowski has been having a fun offseason, but a couple of reporters really harshed his mellow on Wednesday.
Following a charity appearance, Gronk was chased through a parking lot while reporters peppered him with questions about the Deflategate report."
Amara Grautski, NY Daily News
"There may be a little blue reason the Yankees faced stiff competition from the Red Sox during the 2004 American League Championship Series.
While recounting his favorite Manny Ramirez memories, former pitcher Pedro Martinez said the slugger once spiked alcohol Boston players drank before postseason games with Viagra."
Stanley Kay, Sports Illustrated
"While broadcasting the Brewers game against the Dodgers on Wednesday, Milwaukee's radio announcers were locked in the broadcast booth after the booth's doorknob fell off at Miller Park.
Legendary Brewers broadcaster Bob Uecker was among those locked in the booth.
A handyman had to use a ladder to "rescue" the trapped broadcasters, who seem to have made it through the ordeal without much harm."
Chris Cwik, Big League Stew
"Some people are afraid of spiders or heights. Delmon Young's greatest fear is the in-between hop.
That's the face of a man who has seen some stuff. He's looked into the void and stared death in the face.
This is Delmon Young's boggart. All of his greatest fears have been sprung upon him in this moment."
Barry Petchesky, Deadspin
“The Western Hockey League Bantam Draft was held today. Here are the first names of the players selected, as compiled by Blueshirt Banter’s Adam Herman”