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The New York Islanders Select...

by Jesse D. Eisenberg / New York Islanders

I recently finished writting press releases for EVERY single possible player that could feasibly be selected by the Islanders in the first round, fifth overall, of this year’s draft.

Talk about getting your hopes up…

Usually it’s easy to think logically about what players are likely to fall to you, but that drastically changes after you’ve written an extensive bio on Player-X’s record-breaking season.

Once you’ve spent a week digging through stats and records, it feels like most of these guys led the world in scoring last year, took the captain of the Cheer Team to the prom, wrote the great American novel, made a dent in world hunger and heroically rescued baby seals from that mysterious, blood-thirsty cartel that runs the baby-seal racket.

At fifth overall, the Islanders are sure to get a skilled hockey player, not to mention a Prom King, Pulitzer Prize winner, humanitarian and animal-rights activist.

Unsubstantiated Prediction Time: Judging from last year’s pick (Nino Niederreiter), I say we go for the player with the longest and hardest-to-spell last name.

Top contenders include Mika Zibanejad, Jonathan Huberdeau and Nathan Beaulieu.

Equipment Manager Scott Boggs is getting pumped to sew a three-foot long nameplate onto the back of a jersey, elbow-to-elbow.
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