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Twas the night before Christmas

by Derek Jory / Vancouver Canucks

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Vancouver,
Not a creature was stirring, the snow too hard to maneuver.
It was an off day anyway, so there was nowhere to go,
Nothing to do but watch game tape and lay low.

The Canucks with two nights off to sit and relax,
Able to focus on things other than opponent attacks.
But how would they spend their short holiday,
Dashing through the snow in a one horse open sleigh?

Not Darcy Hordichuk, that’s for sure,
He tried that once, but stepped in manure.
This rugged tough guy will be inside filling out lists,
He’s suing Law and Order for stealing the names of his fists.

Kevin Bieksa and Ryan Kesler both became dads this year,
So it’s days off with spit-ups and diapers instead of chips and beer.
Both guys are fine with it, they’ve got such deep layers,
Then again they are raising future hockey players.

Mason Raymond will have weights on his ankles but he isn’t sour,
It’s what allows him to reach speeds of 100,000 kilometers an hour.
Surrounded by family and friends, his days are slow and steady,
He knows that if Santa needs a speed boost he’ll have be ready.

Captain Luongo, you can bet, is happier than anyone,
To have a day off from every sports writer under the sun.
Nothing fancy on the agenda, watch some Deal Or No Deal,
Just lying around giving that groin time to heal.

Daniel and Henrik Sedin – insert IKEA joke,
They’ve been getting last minute gifts since we last spoke.
These Swedish twins are packed full of holiday cheer,
They exchange gifts with each other by looking in the mirror.

Pavol Demitra, what with his head so bright,
Might actually help guide Santa’s sleigh tonight.
Riding shotgun with jolly old St. Nick he’ll be tempted to say,
Veselý vianoce do celý, a do celý za dobrú noc!

Kyle Wellwood, there’s just no telling what he’ll do,
In Toronto he didn’t own a TV, apparently that’s true.
That puts watching A Christmas Story in serious doubt,
He’ll have to reenact it as Ralphie – careful not to shoot your eye out!

Good ol’ Willie Mitchell, the jokester of the locker room,
He’ll be visiting teammates in a Santa costume.
No bundle of toys flung on #8’s back,
Big Willie Style carries only lumps of coal in his pack.

Mattias Ohlund is coveting having some time to himself,
He’s busy prepping the guest bedroom by adding a shelf.
A fellow countryman and NHL all-star is coming to stay,
Welcome Mats Sundin the bedspread will say.

Maximums Mats is still back home in Sweden,
Imagining Vancouver as his garden of Eden.
While visions of a Sedin-Sundin-Sedin line dance through his head,
He logs onto and suggests it in a thread.

As the man responsible for bringing Mats to the coast,
Mike Gillis will surely spend this time off as a ghost.
Out of sight, out of mind, free of responsibility,
Planning his team’s playoff push backed by Sir. Louie.

Two days off gives Vancouver time to recharge the batteries,
So that a solid start to 2009 is a whimsical breeze.
Forty-seven games remain for the team to fight through,
They surely couldn’t do it without support from fans like you.

A toast to Canucks fans, the best in the league by far,
Other teams are stuck with duds, while you’re a shining star.
Thanks for being a part of what could be a magical sight,
Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good-night!

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