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From the Rafters (2.05.15)

by Wyatt Arndt / Vancouver Canucks
The Canucks took on the San Jose Sharks Thursday evening. Read on to find out what happens when one man must choose between a beer and his lady, as well as a Tim Bits hit of the year candidate!

- It’s always an exciting night when it’s your first game! Except Burrows appears to be looking off camera. He needs to focus on the picture being taken, this just won’t do.

- Ellen never could resist a good old fashioned party game. Just wait until the Canucks do “Pin the tail on the Donkey”, it’s going to blow her mind. Prediction: Henrik uses his telepathy with Daniel to cheat, and Hamhuis will hip check somebody by accident when pinning his tail.

- Vrbata can’t help it, he’s a stone cold killer. He has no off switch. You should see him at surprise parties. Very few people survive them.

FIRST PERIOD

- With Tanev missing the game due to the infamous“upper body injury”, the defense was a mixed bag of treats on the night. The important thing is that Weber started the game with Edler, which as Jocelyn points out, has the amazing combination name of Webler. It sounds like Spiderman’s not as talented cousin. He has the ability to stop criminals with shards of broken sticks instead of webbing.

- The Sedins and Burrows Reunion Tour continued this game, and Burrows almost got a goal early. People began chanting for them to play some of their earlier classic songs like “GOAL”, as they were not as enamored with their newest hit “Shot just wide”.

- The Sharks got off to a strong start on the night, as Ryan Miller had to be very sharp to keep the Canucks in the game early. This is called the “fetal position offense” by the Canucks, wherein they curl into a ball and wait for the other team to tire themselves out shooting the puck, thereby allowing the Canucks to be the fresher team in the third period.

- You’re so close you could touch him! Except don’t touch him. That’s not allowed and he would probably be very confused.

- Pretty good?? Any better and you’d be on the ice touching the players! Which, as previously discussed, unsettles the players, so don’t do that. You can wave at them and shout encouraging words, though. Higgins would probably appreciate that.

Also, Matt Irwin scored a goal off a crazy angle bank shot, post and in, to make it 1-0 Sharks, but that’s rather unimportant.

SECOND PERIOD

- For the old school goaltending fans out there, Niemi stacked some pads to rob Nick Bonino on a great tip shot. For Canucks fans out there, it was a stark reminder that the Canucks hadn’t scored yet.

- Dan Hamhuis, noted good guy who struggles to smile, is still a hero no matter what the score. Dan Hamhuis the best.

- Ah, the age old question: Make the lady in your life happy, or have a beer and sleep on the couch.

- Jelly Bellys are a dark path my friend, be careful you don’t venture too far down it. You might find yourself at the doorstep of the“Buttered popcorn” Jelly Belly, which is a place many can’t recover from. It’s disgusting.

- At one point in the game Burrows punched the puck into the net and celebrated it like it was a real goal, much in the way we all pretend Big Bang Theory is still a funny show. To Burrows credit, he really sold it well, and if it was 1980 and video replay wasn’t a thing, it would have been called a goal.

- Henrik Sedin took an unsportsmanlike penalty (Yes, you read that right, Henrik Sedin) at the same time as a Hamhuis trip, resulting in a 5-3 powerplay for San Jose. The Sharks would then score to make it 3-0, leading to a rousing rendition of that old classic “Ref, YOU SUCK” chant from the home crowd.

THIRD PERIOD

- What do you do when your team is down 4-0? YOU DANCE! Kudos on busting out the sprinkler, kid.

- It’s never too late in a 4-0 game to post the intense stare of Radim “Big Brother” Vrbata. He’s always watching....

- The Canucks tried in the third period, they really did, but unfortunately Niemi was actually playing really well.

- Things began making less sense than season six of Lost at this point.

- Although the game ended in a loss, at least Radim Vrbata broke the shutout. Moral victory! Remember kids, Vrbata is always watching.... Always.

POST GAME

- There were no goals scored in the Tim Bits game, because both teams were playing lockdown defense like they’re jobs were on the line (which is possible, who knows how minor hockey works these days). The best play on the night had to have been this submarine check that negated a potential breakaway. Sometimes you gotta sweep the leg Johnny.

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