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From the Rafters (12.20.14)

by Wyatt Arndt / Vancouver Canucks
In the battle of the streaks, the Canucks took on the Flames, as both teams attempted to right their ships and start winning again. Read on to find out about all of the Green Men antics, the anti-wave conspiracy, and the best own goal you’ll see this year.

- The Canucks. You cheer for the Canucks.

- The MS Paint skills are strong in this one...

FIRST PERIOD

- Sometimes Christmas comes early, and this was certainly the case tonight as the Calgary Flames must have been Vancouver’s Secret Santa this year. The gift? An own goal on a delayed penalty. “That’s just what I wanted!!”* screamed a delight Yannick Weber, who was credited with the goal.

*For the record, Weber did not say or scream this, but he probably should have.

- Yup. There is honestly no other way to react to a goal like this. First is the stare of disbelief, as if you are trying to figure out if someone paid an awful lot of money to set up an elaborate prank just to fool you. Then comes the angry muttering and shaking of the head as you wonder why hockey hates you. Then it ends with a single tear rolling down your cheek and a resolution to watch Die Hard after the game.

- At first glance it appears that the Green Men have either found a long lost brother, or found a new way to reproduce (the rules might be different for green men biology). What is actually going on is former Whitecaps captain Jay Demerit decided to join up with the Green Men on their ongoing retirement tour. No word on if Jay fell down the stairs and looked around for a red card.

- If you wondered “How long until a Sports network makes fun of the Flames for that own goal”, the correct answer was “Five minutes.” TSN will be doing a top 10 own goals this week, you just know it.

- Yeah, Vancouver fans are going to have fun with this one for a while.

SECOND PERIOD

- A scary moment occurred in the second period when Hansen appeared to faint on the bench after taking a big hit on his previous shift. He didn’t require a trip to the hospital, but he left the game as a precaution. Here’s to Hansen being fine and ready to pester people in the corners as soon as possible.

- The Flames scored their first real goal around the time that Grinchy looking Green Man showed up, so if you want to blame the Green Men for the goal, you wouldn’t be wrong.

- The Flames at one point pushed Ryan Miller’s glove (which was covering the puck) into the net. Shockingly, shockingly, this was not called a goal. Dustin Byfuglien was confused by this, but someone quickly explained to him it was no longer 2009.

Nope, there is no bitterness here about that playoff series. None at all. None.

Sigh.

- The other leading theory for the Flames goal was it was caused due to the wave. Of course, there has long been a group of wave hating fans who would like nothing more than to sully the good name of the wave, so it’s clear this theory is patently ridiculous.

It was the Green Grinch. We already figured this out.

- See, I bet you were thinking it was a lie about their being a giant group of wave hating people, but it’s true. They exist, and they will stop at nothing to destroy the reputation of the wave.

THIRD PERIOD

- The Raphael Diaz pre-game ceremony must have been put on hold while the Canucks figured out their plans for the upcoming Jeremy Welsh and Kellan Lain ceremonies.

- The Flames tied the game up in the third period, but luckily the wave haters were unable to blame that goal on the wave.

What CAN be blamed for that goal? THE GREEN GRINCH. Seriously, he’s a character known for stealing joy and happiness from people. Why was he allowed in the building??

- Two things: 1) Let’s hope Rogers Arena cleaned the glass before Demerit did that. 2) Never remove your mask if you’re a Green Man. Instead of being Green Man in questionably tight spandex, you become Jay Demerit, man in questionably tight spandex. Anonymity is key to the Green Man universe.

- You can really see how terrible Jonas Hiller’s mask is when you’re that close! Dried ketchup is a bold look for a goalie mask.

- Derek Dorsett was setting up shop in the Flames net so much they started charging him rent. And this is Vancouver, so you know that rent was super high, and probably unsustainable for him to afford, and he probably had to move back with his parents after a while.

OVERTIME

- In the time it took you to read this, the Canucks scored in overtime.

POST GAME

- This is what happens when you break a losing streak and are a big fan!

- This is what happens when you watch the game at a pub and have Tanev’s name on your puck!

- This is what happens when you break a losing streak and are a player! (The Canucks got kind of excited when they won the game. There was a dog pile, a couple of high fives, and Tanev even showed real human emotion. It was insanity.)

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