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Dear Dale

by Derek Jory / Vancouver Canucks

Dale Weise assisted on Cody Hodgson's third period goal Tuesday night without even touching the puck.

”I think it might have been mid-second period,” explained Weise, “and Cody asked me where I thought he should shoot. I said I’ve watched Chicago play a little bit and it’s got to be top glove side. Anytime you come in and make a move he kind of drops his glove.”

”Sure enough he goes down on a breakaway, Crawford drops his glove and Cody roofs it. I thought it was pretty funny.”

It was insight from an unlikely source, that’s what it was.

If Weise, he of three goals this season and three for his career, can advise others on how to score without doing so regularly himself, what helpful advice could he give us?

I put him to the test.

Editor’s Note: The following letters are purely fictitious, but if you find yourself faced with any of these dilemmas, feel free to use Weise’s advice. Or not. It's up to you.

Dear Dale,

My husband wants to go on a dangerous expedition. I am so afraid he will never come home. He has always been an outdoor lover and has taken many trips but this trip will be brutal. People have died. He says he wants to go now before we have children. What can I do to stop him?

”You know what, the strength of a good relationship is just letting people be who they are, so my best advice is to let him do it, or if she’s so worried about it, do it herself.”

Dear Dale,

I have known a guy for years. We have been friends for a long time. He recently asked me out four times in a row. He always used to say he would never date the same girl twice unless she was "the one." I don’t think anyone has ever felt the way I feel about him!! Do you think he thinks I am "the one?"

”That’s a little aggressive. Before someone actually knows the other person I think it’s kind of hard to say that, but who am I to judge love at first sight? Obviously I’m a big believer in that, I haven’t found that myself, but I think he probably thinks that she’s the one, so she should give it a try and roll with it.”

Dear Dale,

I have a question regarding men's hairstyles. I am balding and decided four years ago to shave my head completely bald for a cleaner look. I received a lot of positive attention from women at the time.

However, over the last year or so I have noticed more men with longer hair and women paying less attention to bald-headed men. Are bald-headed men out and longhaired guys in?

”I’ll use our room as an example. You look at Manny Malhotra who has the shaved down look, and I think it works for him, I think he’s a great looking dude and a lot of women would find him attractive. Then you’ve got David Booth, he’s got the long blond locks, so you’ve got both perspectives there. I think it’s personal preference, totally. The clean look is good though if you’re starting to bald.”

Dear Dale,

My father and mother just asked me to take care of their dog, again. Princess Gretchen Toodleson is a nasty, yappy, nippy small dog who I cannot stand. How can I get out of caring for Princess Gretchen Toodleson?

”Oooh, that’s a good one. I think you have to make something up like that she just went to the doctor and had some tests done and found that she’s allergic to dog hair or something. That’s a good way to get out of it.”

Dear Dale,

I'm trying to get that special sometime to notice me. What did you do in high school to make the girls notice you?

”It all depends on what type of audience you’re trying to attract. If you’re trying to attract a certain crowd, the best thing is to get into what they do and find out what they like so you can relate on some topics. Or, if you’re bold enough, just go up to the person you like and ask them out or start up a conversation and see where things for from there.”

Dear Dale,

My neighbor keeps stealing my newspaper. I’ve seen him do it. He did it this morning. What can I do to reclaim my newspapers - and my pride?

”I think you should go knock on his door and call him out, that’s the best thing. Confront him and see what his issue is. I’m not sure why he’d be stealing a newspaper…(Derek: Not everyone is as brave as Dale Weise) That’s true. If that’s the case, maybe use the phone, everyone is always tough over the phone or on the Internet, send emails, everyone loves to be tough on the Internet too, I find that a lot.”

Dear Dale,

My 10-month-old son has recently discovered that he has a voice. He sometimes screams when he wants attention or for other reasons. What can I do to stop him from screaming?

”I have an 18-month-old nephew, so I think I’m a little bit of an expert on that. I babysat him in the summer and he would have been close to about 10 months, so I would say the best thing is probably just to let them scream. They’re kids! That’s what they do. Keep him occupied though, that might help. Or turn up music that’s louder than them so it drowns them out. That’s an option.”


”That’s it? That’s all the questions? That was fun. We should make this a weekly feature.”

We’ll see about that.

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