Bill Burr - It's All Part of the Plan

Blog 6 - Tuesday, May 12

I told you. It’s all part of the plan.  No biggie.  Get them all confident with a 3-1 series lead, and then BRING THE HAMMER DOWN!  That’s all there is to it.

In all seriousness, that was a huge victory Sunday night, against that really great hockey team that used to reside in Hartford. And I’m not even going to lie, I was definitely a little worried about that game.

But fortunately, I had some inside information that put my mind at ease. There’s a little known fact in professional hockey that very few have heard of.  The fact is this: teams down South do not play well in the cold weather cities from up North.

From what I’ve heard, they are so used to taking off their skates and driving off into the Palm Treed horizon, that they can’t handle the extreme Northern weather that real men live in.

Why do you think the NHL’s Winter Classic game has never featured a Southern team?  IT’S ‘CAUSE THEY’RE SOFT!

They’re the kind of people that own ear muffs. You know what I mean.  For example: When was the last time you owned a pair of mittens?  Who buys mittens?  I’ll tell you who.  PEOPLE DOWN SOUTH.

And don’t even give me that, “They play inside.  What’s the difference?”  I’ll TELL you what the difference is BUDDY!  The difference is that short little walk the Southern Hockey Team has to make out of the hotel lobby and onto the team bus. 

During that walk, they are exposed to weather that only people who’ve actually stepped out from under their Mom’s skirt, live in.   They get hit with said weather for a good seven seconds and in that instant, as the cold air washes over their tanned Tony Curtis- like faces, it puts out their playoff fire.

That’s why the Bruins won Sunday night.  The Whalers were chilly. You ever try to play hockey when you’re chilly?  You can’t do it.   Actually you CAN do it, but you’re going to lose.  Just like Hartford.

And even though it’s the month of May, those punks still can’t handle the weather.  That’s how soft they are.  That’s why they moved down to wherever they’re at now.  They couldn’t take the winter.  Even in HARTFORD!

Game 6 should be the best game of the series.  The Whalers can’t allow it to go back to Boston for a Game 7.  And the B’s have come too far this year to bow out in the second round.

I’m going to pause right now and act like I’m one of those TV sports analyzer, anchor guys, rather than some punk who used to play pond hockey and lacks the ability to skate backwards.

I really believe first goal wins Game 6.  Too much is at stake for both teams.   If the Bruins get that first one the Whalers are going to feel a wave of panic, as they fight off thoughts of a possible choke.

If Hartford scores first, and their fans start banging on their washboards and empty tubs, the Bruins could feel the pressure of their season possibly coming to an end.

How was that?  Wasn’t that a basic and obvious observation? 

”I’ll tell you what the Bruins need to do is put the puck in the net!”
 
That’s why I just watch the games.  Anyway...

Great series so far.  I’m hoping it goes to Game 7.  Not only because I’m a Bruins fan, but also because it truly has been a great series.  And even though I’m showing absolutely no respect whatsoever for the Carolina Hurricanes, I actually think they have a great team. 

I’m no longer surprised that they beat the New Jersey Devils. They play disciplined hockey.  And they play as a team.  Their fans however, are a little weird looking.

Game 6 tonight!  HERE WE GO BRUINS HERE WE GO!!!!!!!

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Author: Bill Burr | Special to NHL.com